So much to do and say...

but I'm a bit under the weather and a bit behind so I will leave you with a list all the comings and goings...

1. proposal going well still - haven't looked at it in two weeks because of an out-of-town meeting and a week spent with family, but I'm not freaking out about it. I got great feedback (see #4). My Thanksgiving week with family and friends was much needed and well-deserved. During the out-of-town meeting, many people said that it took them this long (and longer) to get their dissertation proposal hashed out. So there!

2. Mr. T, Little T, and Furry T are doing awesome! They are so amazing and I don't know what I would do without them.

3. Tiger Mom not feeling so well this week - some sort of nasty virus. On the upside I am getting over it and only have a few more days of feeling like crap (hopefully!) and Mr. T is in town this week (next week he is out of town) and can take care of me and Little T.

4. I got some good feedback and think I can conquer the revisions on this chapter as soon as I have a clear head (#3 is crapping on that right now).

5. Some drama with people in my life but I'm tired of thinking and talking about it so I'll leave it at that.

6. Lots of fun stuff planned (holiday get-togethers, birthday parties, holiday shopping and decorating with Mr. T and so on) in the next several weeks.

7. Lots of work time planned (must get revisions finished!; other writing, and so on) in the next few weeks.

8. Taking Little T to visit family a few states away with my Mom the week before Christmas - am excited but need to get work done so I don't fret over not having it done and can visit with family I rarely see and need to see.

Motivation

Last week I seriously asked myself why I was doing this and if I could do this. I sat at my computer and sobbed and then I called Mr. T and sobbed and told him that I was a big loser and couldn't do this obviously and that I had wasted our time uprooting our family and our lives to try to reach an unreachable goal. Yes, I was a bit melodramatic. I had lost all motivation. I was receiving all sorts of great feedback but I felt like I was sinking. It is the same problem over and over again, which means I'm not learning.

But then I talked to my major prof and she helped me to see that I have gotten somewhere and that this draft is far from my first draft (which is true!). She gave me some specific examples that helped me see things more clearly. I hate when I don't understand something. I don't want to ask for help or clarification for the fear of seeming incompetent, but I can't learn if I don't understand. I'm not sinking anymore...I'm still dog-paddling because I don't have my confidence back completely, but I'm not sinking and that is enough right now.