A quick hello~

Just wanted to give a quick hello to everyone!

Not a lot going one. Little T has been waking 1-2 hours early for the last week and a half so sleep hasn't been something we've been getting.

Making progress on Chapter 2 revisions.

Got to hang out with Mr. T and Little T this past weekend.

Gearing up for a weekend trip with college friends. This trip has occurred each year during and after college, but Mr. T and I haven't been able to go since moving to Tigertown. This year we are going! It will be a long trip, but we have my family watching Little T and can't wait to spend a weekend with friends. It is a pretty inexpensive weekend, which is really nice. Plus, we can catch up with our buddies and have some adult time.

Making time for Mr. T

With everything that is life right now, I think that my relationship with Mr. T suffers the most. Although we have dinner together each night (even if we are sitting on the couch eating and talking) and work out together, things are a bit strained. The fact is that I don’t put Mr. T high enough up on the list. He is my best friend and my husband and yet I think, “well he understands” – and he does, but that doesn’t make it right or fair. So I am making a note of that here. Mr. T and our relationship mean so much to me and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have.

The fact is, it is a lot easier to put Little T as #1 because she needs me – has to have me – asks for my attention. I can’t ignore her or put things above her. Doing so would impede her development and hurt her. Plus, she would get pissed and let me know that I wasn’t paying her enough attention :) Mr. T however knows that I have to work and doesn’t really ask for my attention – maybe he does but I guess I’ve been ignoring it…

This past weekend we finally talked about it. It started out as a heated argument, but once we both settled down, we talked, which is one of the best things about our relationship – our openness and honesty when we communicate. He told me he feels like he is #3 on the list (behind Little T and school). He said that he understands that Little T has to be first and that I have to take time for school. He gets it but at the same time he still feels like he isn’t a priority. I hate that. I hate that he feels that way. So I’m going to put him on the list – take time for him. I’ve even begun to put myself on the list and yet I didn’t put him on the list. Well that is changing and it is changing now. Now I just need to figure out how to do this. Is doing little things - taking time to listen and spend little moments together enough? Is playing games or walking around the neighborhood enough? I'm not sure. I will try and see.

But the root of our argument really came from the fact that it is taking me longer than we anticipated to finish. We want to settle down somewhere – continue to expand our family – have me start my career and so on. I enjoy school and can’t wait to be a professor somewhere, but this is only one small part of my lift. I’m not single – I can’t do whatever I want to do. I have to think about my family and myself. We love it in Tigertown, but we know that this isn’t it – I can’t get a job here.  We will have to pick up and move at least once more. I hope that the job I get next is “the job” but who knows.

So that is all for now.

“Health” Theme Updates

In early January, I wrote about my theme for the year. In order to keep myself accountable and to help myself grow, I want to talk about my progress thus far. 

So how am I doing on my "health" theme?

1. “Kickstart my butt into shape”

Although not as much cardio as I would like, I have been doing a push-up, pull-up, and abs work out with Mr. T. It is fun to do this with him and it is really hard! It is nice to spend the time with him and my arms are already getting toned!

2. “Watch what goes into my mouth”

I am eating better foods – more whole grains, lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies, etc and I am exercising portion control. I am also allowing myself wine/drinks and sweets when I want it. Although, I wasn't going to mention this, I've been doing all of this through the new WW plan. I’ve actually lost almost 4 pounds in the last few weeks since I started watching these things.

3. I want to be a great mom

I am still taking time to spend with Little T each week. In fact her and I are taking part in a playgroup once a week for the next several weeks. One of the moms is moving and I realized we haven’t seen any of the group in months. I’ve blocked the time on my calendar and am telling people that I have a commitment during this time and I do – to my little girl and myself. She makes me laugh and although some days are challenging, she is so amazing and fun!

4. I need to make time for Mr. T

I have a lot to say here. I’m still processing a conversation we had this past weekend. All is well so no worries.

So, I need to come back to this. Tomorrow maybe?

5. I want to be a good student

I’ve been doing consulting work and that is giving me experience and I am really liking the change. I have some conference proposals and research to work on. I’m revising Chapter 2, and I am awaiting feedback from my major prof on the other chapters. I plan to – will defend my proposal this semester – hopefully mid-semester.

What to do?

Aside from my assistantship, we basically live on a single income. Luckily, I have a couple of consulting jobs that will bring in additional income for a few months but it is only for a few months.

We have two big weddings coming up this year one in the Virgin Islands and one across the country. One is family and the other is one of my best friends and college roommate who was in my wedding. We've already determined that we all can't go to both weddings because we really can't afford it. At this time, Mr. T is going to go to the family wedding, and I am going to go to the Virgin Island's wedding (it is adults only and getting a sitter for the weekend would be hard since we don't live hear family).

But since looking into the actual costs of attending the weddings, I'm not sure we can *really* afford it. We have the money from my consulting job and money in savings, but funding through the university for future assistantships is being cut so I don't want to count on having that money. Plus, we prefer not to use savings, etc since we want to expand our family eventually. We aren't struggling for money, but we like to have savings and emergency funds. It is likely to cost us $2000 for both weddings excluding the wedding gifts. That is $2000 that we wouldn't even get to enjoy together.

Should we go? I feel like I've already answered my own question but I feel really bad for not attending, especially my roommate's wedding. She is such a wonderful friend and would understand. She will probably have a party after the wedding that we can attend, but I feel bad because she did spend the money to be a part of my wedding. If the wedding was driving distance I would be there because the costs would be nothing in comparison. I just don't know if I should let money guide our decision.

Here is some background info:

The family wedding

• In April 2011 across the country
• The family member and fiance keep saying how they hope we can come. We saw them over the holidays and they were excited that there was a possibility. We kept saying we weren't sure but would try.
• They came to our wedding 4 years ago although it was just Mr. T's cousin because he wasn't dating anyone
• Mr. T's parents and brother are going to the wedding but they are flying out of a different state where airfare is about half the price
• Price of airfare is $500 plus hotel, transportation, and food while there. Mr. T will be staying a long weekend and sharing a room with his brother. Little T and I are not going as we can't afford for all of us to go. So probably at least $800 for the trip depending on the hotel prices, transportation, etc.

The roommate wedding

• In May 2011 in the Virgin Islands
• Roommate was in our wedding, although we lived nearby at that point so traveling was minimal however she spent money on a dress, the bachelorette party, and other being in wedding expenses
• Sharing a room with a friend will cost me $300 for the room for 3 nights. 
• Price of airfare is $600-$700. 
• Plus food and drinks.

A Letter

Dear people who keep bugging me to do work and attend meetings although I resigned from the position because I don’t have time,

Please stop else I am going to have to get more snarky than I already have.

 Sincerely,

Tiger Mom PhD

same pattern

I want to blog on a daily (during the week) basis but then I get caught up in life and put blogging on the back-burner. Since my theme this year is "Health" and blogging is a healthy practice for me allowing me to reflect, talk things out, etc, I think I need to move it up on the priority list.

I also need to move "reading blogs" up on my list.

For me the practice of reading academic blogs:

1. gives me a peak inside the world in which I hopefully will be living once I graduate
2. shows me that other academics are living life and surviving although they have challenges
3. provides me with stories and advice from people who have been there and done that - giving me access to information and knowledge that I may not otherwise have or want to ask for locally
4. helps me to see other people's perspectives and viewpoints

1.11.11

Today is 1/11/11.

Kind of cool.

This past October Mr. T, Little T and I saw a wedding in a local garden occur at 10:10am on 10/10/10.

All is well on the home-front. Need to work on some conference proposals, am doing some part-time work (one of the projects will impact a lot of people positively and does a lot of good for people that rarely see goodness so it makes me happy), lost 2 lbs last week but still had wine and chocolate, am still keeping active, have a wedding anniversary this week, and had an awesome check-up with Little T.

Doodle & Still Getting Hounded to Attend

I hate it when someone sends out a Doodle asking everyone to mark when they are available for a meeting, and they choose a date that I clearly marked as "will not be able to attend at this time/date" and then I still get hounded to attend the meeting.

Last week a Doodle went out with dates and times for this past weekend and this week. I marked my available times (most of this week during the day). Got an email on Friday saying it would probably be Monday. Another email saying it would be Saturday (this past weekend) and asking if I could attend. The person specifically called me out asking if I could attend. I responded and said, "no, weekends do not work for me therefore I will not be able to attend." Got another message asking if I can attend via Skype. I replied, "no. I am taking care of my daughter and can not attend. Weekends do not work for me as I do not have childcare during this time."

What irritates me is that I clearly stated I couldn't make that time and yet when the time I couldn't meet was chosen, I was given a hard time for not attending. Choose another time if you need me to be there (which they didn't). Mr. T was out of town and I was not going to bring my daughter during nap time and playtime (long meeting!) to this meeting. If I would have told them that I was taking care of Little T and couldn't attend, they would have asked me to bring her, which is really inconvenient for me considering she is all over the place and wouldn't have wanted to sit still. Plus, I wasn't going to put her down to nap at some random place (most likely she wouldn't have napped and I would have missed my window). I was not going to pay for a sitter. I was not going to attend at this time as I noted on the Doodle.

More on babies and academia: when?

Responses to my comment on FSP's post on "stopping the tenure clock" in response to a NY Times article got me thinking even more about what seems to always be on my mind (see my post on this topic)...when to have my next child. We know we want another child. We know we don't want another child right now. Honestly, we would love the kids to be around 3 years apart (not sure why as we are both farther apart from our siblings, but we like the number 3) if we could plan it. But things don't always plan out that way. So when do we start trying? If we get off of birth control and it happens immediately like it did with Little T then I will most likely be finishing up school and interviewing for jobs noticeably pregnant. If it takes a while, then I may not get pregnant until after I start a new job (hopefully a TT position). Either way comments on FSP's blog post reassured me that it is possible to have a child while in a TT position and that I need to think about these things when I am job searching (how to go about finding out how family-friendly a program truly is - I am not sure, although it was briefly mentioned in the original study report...but that's another blog post).

Reviewing for Journals

I have been invited to review for a particular journal in our field three times. Out of those three times twice I recommended major revisions before publication, which the editor and other reviewers agreed, however the last time I thought the article was well written, the research filled a gap and would provide a service to the field, and that the research was conducted well so I only suggested some minor revisions. But I was questioning myself as to whether this was right. Later I found out that my recommendations matched the other reviewers and editor. I never questioned the "needs major revisions else don't publish" recommendation and yet I questioned the "great research only minor revisions do publish" recommendation. I'm not sure what this means...

We are taught to look at research with a critical eye and that just because something is published doesn't necessarily mean it is good research. Has this turned me into a pessimist always looking for flaws? Is it just a coincidence that I happened to review two really poor manuscripts? Sigh...I guess time will tell.

The bonus of reviewing: 1) gives me experience analyzing research; 2) keeps me in the loop on current research not directly related to my research; 3) helps me become a better writer and researcher by reading other peoples' work.

Time Flies

Little T turned 18 months old today! I can't believe she is already 1.5 years old.

It makes me happy.

Happy 2011

I am excited about 2011. I enjoyed 2010 although there were many challenges. 

My theme (I like the idea of themes not resolutions from Profgrrrl) for 2011 is Health. I want to be a healthier me - healthier body, healthier soul, healthier me. How?

I need to kickstart my butt into some sort of shape...I want to be more active. I've allowed being a mom and a student to take over me exercising. I'm not saying I plan to get all exercise crazy or anything, but I do plan to be more active.

I also need to watch what goes into my mouth...I refuse to call it a diet - it is a lifestyle change. Better foods - portion control - still enjoying occasional treats like wine and chocolate.

I want to be a great mom - I think I am doing well at making time for Little T. In fact, other aspects of my life are behind because I've made this choice, but I don't intend to change this choice. I love hanging out with Little T and don't want to miss her growing up - it is happening so quickly! I don't intend to wake up one morning wondering where it all went. If it takes me longer to finish school then it takes me longer. I can do it. (Now to remember this post when I am falling apart wondering if I can do it...)

I need to make time for Mr. T - our physical and emotional relationship deserves time and it makes me feel better and makes me a healthier person emotionally. We've been in a relationship for a really long time and it has grown as we've grown. I want this to continue.

I want to be a good student - someone who is productive, says no when needed, but remembers to help others out. I want to continue to become a better writer and researcher, which can only happen with practice and time. I want to be successful.

So here's to 2011 and Health. 

I hope

We had a wonderful holiday and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I've come home to Christmas decorations that need to be taken down, gifts that need to be sorted, and a HUGE pile of laundry.

Plus, the semester has officially begun. I hope it is a wonderful and productive semester. I hope and plan to defend my proposal soon. I hope the feedback I get back from my advisor on it (I turned it in - all of it before the break) isn't too overwhelming and that I'm really, really, really close. I hope - I hope - I hope.